Living, or just existing?

As I’m experiencing life here in Shanghai, and seeing how other people live, it’s certainly made me reflect on my own life a lot more (as if I weren’t introspective enough). Especially with the work that I am doing at CBi — where we went into a smaller town last week to talk with some store owners, and get an idea of how to increase the local market share of a product within these smaller communities. Many of the people live in/behind their stores, which can be around 8×8′ in size, to something the size of an old one- or two-car  garage in the US (potential home above the store). People work 12+ hours a day in their shops, and even hang their laundry out front to dry. Many people don’t see their businesses expanding, but they do it to provide for their families, to give their kids a better life. To survive.

These people certainly have joy in their lives. They have friends. A community. But are they living, or just existing? (note: not judging here, but observing.)

On the flip side, when I was working from home for a number of years, I was somewhat confined to my own home, and business, and would get cabin fever in the middle of summer being isolated so much. I definitely got into a routine of just “existing”. Get up, work, walk dog, work out, sleep, repeat. I was never earning enough money to take vacations or go out and experience life on a greater scale, but would at least get out around town, and to see my family on major holidays.

Between cultures, even with vast differences between lifestyles, I feel there are different levels of existing and living that are the same, even when completely different.

But I don’t want to exist. I want to live.

At some point, I think I became tired of my life in Denver. Tired of my existence. So I began to cram as much in as I could on a social level, because sitting on the couch wasn’t doing it for me. I would exchange a good night’s rest for a good concert in the middle of the week, and can’t say I’ve regretted any of it – now. Probably some days, when behind on work or school work, I may have thought “ok, I really didn’t NEED to go out and do x, y and z..” But at least it was fun. And what are the memories that you carry with you? A great night out with some friends and hearing some live music? Or being responsible toward someone else’s pre-determined social rules that state a good girl goes to bed at a decent hour and wakes up with the birds? Granted, there were many more nights of the latter, but nothing worth writing about.

So now, in Shanghai, I am trying to live, not just exist. After a few years of watching everyone on Facebook go on vacation, and explore the world, it’s my turn for some adventure. To see things I’ve never seen. Experience new cultures. Eat new foods. (Those who really know me would be amazed at the food I’m consuming. For example, I love eating lamb now. Yup, lamb. It’s damn good here. Bring it on.) I don’t want to be that person who sits in their apartment every day and night because they are afraid of what is on the other side of the door, or not up for a challenge. And challenges, yes, they are there. Every time I go out, it’s an adventure. I’m getting over being bewildered all the time and the fear of being dumb because 1) no one here is really paying any attention to me, nor do they care, nor does it matter and 2) it’s good to be ‘dumb’ because I’m challenging myself. It’s easy to be ‘smart’ in your own world. But how smart are you in someone else’s world?

Back to the point. Are you living, or just existing? The shop keepers, what are they doing? We all have our own definitions for this, one person’s existence is too much of a wild ride for another. Or too boring. We can only make this determination for ourselves, and our own lives. We can view what others are doing and relate it back to our own lives as a means for pushing ourselves beyond our normal boundaries, or reeling ourselves in — but we can’t judge them for their own decisions.

There is a lot I see out here that amazes me. Things I would never dream of doing (like hanging my underwear in public to dry), and things I would love to be doing (driving the Lamborghini down Huaihai Lu.) But that’s my dream, my world. And in my world, I just want to live as much as I can, for as long as I can. Sure, there will be plenty of early-ish to bed nights in this life, but maybe that bed will be in Bali, or Rome, or somewhere in the States. Who knows. I sure don’t. But I know this — I’m going to do my best to make it good.