At last, the summit of Kilimanjaro
Tuesday, January 13th
The day has finally arrived – time to summit Kilimanjaro! A quick breakfast that was hard for many to swallow (literally, as they were suffering from the effects of the altitude) warmed us briefly and at 5:00am we were on our way. A short climb in comparison to what we had accomplished the day before, it was still difficult due to the thin air, sore bodies, and 45-degree pitch. Being the photog, I was in front, attempting to capture the climb – a difficult task between the cold and fatigue. The benefit of this – I was the first to reach the summit and got to witness the sun just as it peaked over the horizon. I was absolutely blown away at all the beauty that surrounded me – mountain peaks, glaciers, clouds and beautiful colors. So overcome with emotion and exhaustion, I could barely shed a tear, got behind the camera and continued to shoot.
One by one, our trekkers reached the summit – exhausted, exuberated, and emotional. At 19, 341’ you don’t exactly get to hang around on the summit as the altitude can effect you in ways you don’t realize. Tears were shed, hugs given, and many congratulations to us all. One by one, we all stood in front of the Kilimanjaro sign to capture our moment of triumph, a big group shot, and then the descent began.
Sooner than we wanted, we began our descent back down the mountain – but down the Barafu route this time. While our trek was quite challenging, it was also incredibly beautiful and we all agreed we were happy to have climbed this way. The route down was basically gravel and dirt – difficult footing going down, and undoubtedly even more so going up.
800’ up, followed by 9,500’ down makes for a physically challenging day. Knees and hips ached, but our hearts glowed as WE DID IT! We climbed Kilimanjaro. All 18 of us made it up the mountain, despite altitude sickness, aches, pains and mental challenges.
As Aden mentioned at lunch a few days prior, this challenge we embarked on to help others is nothing compared to the battle that cancer patients deal with on a daily basis. We are all so proud to have had this opportunity to call upon our inner strengths to help the kids at the oncology center in Tanzania, and for all the support of our friends and families – both financially and emotionally – that have aided us along the way.
Thank you to everyone for your messages of love and support along the way. Tomorrow is our last day on the mountain with a four-hour trek to the gate, and long-awaited showers and actual beds. You can continue to follow our journey as we go on a four-day safari followed by a visit to the oncology center in Dar es Salaam.
Brrrrrrrr! Early rises & steep ascents
Monday, January 12th
Good morning!! 3:30am comes fast and cold on the mountain. Everyone layered up to a point of minimal movement like Ralphie’s little brother in “A Christmas Story”. A quick breakfast of hot porridge in the tent and we were ready to go! Well, almost. As much as we all are excited to be here and to help the kids in Tanzania, a cold, early morning start is still cold, and early. Helmets were distributed as we would be traversing through the “Danger Zone” this morning – or as I preferred to call it, the fluffy kitten.
“Pole, pole” (take it slowly) the guides continued to tell us as we embarked up the dark, rocky trail known as the Western Breach. The only light coming from our headlamps and the half-moon that shined down on us, we really had no idea what was in store for us.
We call ourselves trekkers, but this was some hard-core mountaineering. Up, up and up we went. Over rocks and snow, switchback after switchback. Sometimes climbing on hands and knees to get over a rock face. It’s hard to gauge the degree of incline, but going up was nearly insane, and nothing you’d want to have to go back down again.
By the time the sun started to rise above the rocky cliffs in front of us, most of us were in the middle of the face, battling the mountain and altitude. The incredibly strong men that they are, the porters soon caught up with us and a giant train of humans formed up the mountain. I’m blown away by their strength and dexterity. These men (one I saw wearing only Nike Air) carried a minimum of 40lbs on their backs, shoulders or on top of their heads up the Western Breach, as nimble as a mountain goat and as strong as an ox. Seriously.
Seven-and-a-half hours later, our whole team finally reached the summit of the breach (much to the delight of many who were pushed to their limit) and walked the last 10 minutes to camp.
Lucky for us, the sun was out for most of the day, and we were able to warm ourselves again. Some sat around camp and listened to Brett play guitar and teach the water guys a reggae song, while others nap in cozy tents, took a hike to the ash pit, or walked over to the nearby glacier cave for some photo opportunities.
The biggest thrill for us all were the hot water bottles that were distributed at the end of dinner. To have something to warm your sleeping bags on a freeeeeeeezing night is an absolute luxury!!! (opinions to the temperature vary from 10 to 20 degrees. Any way you put it, it was COLD.) We snuggled into our bags and mentally prepared ourselves for the 4:00am wake-up call and final 800’ ascent to the summit.
Keep your core tight.
"Keep your core tight." Garrett said to me as we were on the second day of our decent from Mount Everest Base Camp. His words were in reference to my physical being – brainstorming ways to go downhill without killing my knees.
What he didn't know, is those words came at a time when my own thoughts were bouncing around the ideas of sticking to my own moral's, my own heart. To me. Each of us has a different path to follow in life; and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. We only know what is best for ourselves. What rings true and pure to our hearts – and to follow this isn't always the easiest path, but it is the truest.
I think of this often as I'm walking or walking the dogs – keep my core tight, keeping my posture up, relieve the lower back pain...but it also reminds me of staying true to myself. Follow what I believe in. Do what makes my heart happy.
Keep your core tight.
I'm Sorry madam for the bumps [in the road]...
"I'm Sorry madam for the bumps [in the road] but they are not my fault."
Rickshaw driver in Jaipur, Rajasthan, India
The In's and Out's of Trekking
This is one of the journal entries I wrote for Love Hope Strength on the Everest Trek, original found here.
In’s:
Water.
Sterilized by SteriPEN. Hoping that the random droplets of water surrounding the mouth of the bottle that haven’t been sterilized aren’t going to give you diarrhea, especially along the trail where there aren’t many places of privacy.)
At some tea houses there are more particles floating in the water than you’d like, and quickly dump the ‘purified water’ into your Camelbak to avoid seeing what you don’t want to know about. It did just get pulled from the stream after all. You know, that one with the yaks walking through it ( and we all know how hygienic a Himalayan Yak is)
Food.
- The dining options have been as varied as the lichen along the trail, including:
- Rice
- Fried rice
- Fried rice with cabbage and carrots.
- Cabbage and carrots.
- Potatoes (pealed by the same hands of the boy who just loaded the fire with Yak dung)
- Potatoes with cabbage and carrots.
- Fried noodles with cabbage and carrots.
- Momo’s (with cabbage and carrots. And maybe potatoes)
- Pizza! Yes, pizza. With Nak Cheese….and cabbage and carrots.
- Butter vegetables – green beans and carrots.
- Eggs
- Fried eggs
- Hard boiled eggs
- Egg omelets with diced cabbage and carrots
- Toast
- Pancakes
- Fried noodles from the night before.
Outs. If you are a sensitive one, skip to the end.
Mucus. Comes in different forms. Yak Lung (or Dung Lung, or Yak Hack) is a lovely thick mucus that doesn’t come out of your chest no matter how much you cough and can be heard in chorus in the morning during “washing water” time and throughout various times in the day. Also, one may be fortunate to be lulled to sleep by a neighbor through paper-thin walls, listening to their wheeze and hack and/or snoring.
Peeing. If you are a guy, this is easier as you get to stand in a half-frozen squatter, donned with a 20-gallon barrel of ice water and completely-sanitary jug (or gallon-sized can) floating it in to flush down your pee (or other…..). The process involves cracking the frozen surface, dipping a plastic jug into the frozen water barrel and pouring it, with as much force as possible, into the squatter or toilet (if you’re lucky) to flush its contents. If you need to squat to pee, you must first roll up your pant legs a good 8-10” so they don’t dip into the frozen pee/water/digestive particles that you really don’t want to recognize but you know it’s probably cabbage and carrots. And rice.
If you aren’t familiar with a “squatter” this is a 6”x18” hole in the floor with ridged places for your feet to grip (completely worthless when coated in frozen urine) that drains down to who knows where. As is in the name, you must squat to pee (like camping, only without a fresh breeze or nice scenic view.) Also, if you have to poo, you must squat, balance as to not fall into the previous users excrement’s, try not to touch any surrounding surfaces and hold your pant legs up at the same time. It is a feat even a Cirque de Soleil performer would find difficult . There’s not a lot of magazine reading going on here, people
For those who have been stricken with high altitude sickness, I can only imagine how much worse this experience is. Actually I can, as I had projectile vomiting in a restaurant squatter in Rishikesh, India after some bad fruit pancakes. But the small bucket rinsing sure comes in handy for cleaning of the room.. Just saying..
Levels of “clean”
Normally, clothes are either ‘clean’ or ‘dirty’. When trekking, there are various levels of clean that directly correlate with the number of days into the trek. When you begin, wearing a pair of socks for a day makes them ‘dirty’. A week in, you bravely smell your socks to see if they make you dizzy, or if you can get away with another day’s wear without risking knocking someone unconscious when taking off your boots. For shirts, I’ve resulted in “pit washing” – merely rinsing out the armpits of a shirt to eliminate (or dissipate) the smell as the short days and cold air don’t allow for a fast dry of anything.
Of course, when you are at a very high altitude and it’s freezing inside and out, you could really care less about how bad you smell, or changing into a different dirty shirt (because if you hadn’t worn it for a day, somehow it’s magically cleaner than the one you are currently wearing). You will wear those dirty pants into your precious sleeping bag and sport them the next day, not giving a $%* because you are WARM, and frankly, everyone else smells just as fresh as you do. And, let’s face it, nothing smells worse than the burning yak dung you have been hovering around for warmth. Up here, everything is relative. I never thought I would find myself hoping that more piles of Yak poo would be brought into the same room I was dining in.
Baby wipes. AKA cleaning your “pits and bits”
The uses for these are unlimited, and their price invaluable. Hand cleaning. Butt cleaning. Face washing. Body washing. (Oh, I forgot to mention there had been no running water for at least five days as the pipes all freeze. Hence the sanitary bucket of frozen water to flush. One jug for pee, three for poo.) You can use a few baby wipes on your pits to reduce the smell, and I discovered that I will only use so many as having another wipe for the next day is more valuable than being completely baby-wipe fresh
It’s a glamorous life being a trekker! we all made a decision to be here and regardless of the frozen squatters and dirty hands, it is worth it for the opportunity to make this trek for the memory and prayers of those who are deep within our hearts.
The In’s and Out’s of trekking have brought us closer together as a family and the humor that surrounds allows for a break in the deep emotions that we’ve all felt as we’ve read messages from home, as we’ve placed flags upon the rocks, watched our friends spread ashes of loved ones, and hugged as we’ve cried over those we’ve loved, and lost and haven’t even known.
Sarah Ewalt (with help from the Henn’s)
December 8, 2012
Pangboche
12,715 feet
From 12,713'- Pangboche
This is the first journal entry I did for Love Hope Strength along the way. Original can be found here.
___________
Today was an emotional day for me. Waking up after a nine-hour sleep and feeling as though I was beating the small cold I had, a hot delicious breakfast and I was ready to take on the day’s trek. Then during breakfast, Lisa learned of the passing of her Aunt, and the waterworks began.
The reasons for being here vary from hiker to hiker – whether it be a thrill-seeking sense of adventure or the need to climb a giant mountain, to bring a prayer to the highest hills for someone fighting cancer or to pay homage to loved ones who have passed, we have our own personal reasons that have drawn us on this physically and emotionally challenging journey. For me it was a little of everything – a chance to climb part of Everest is an opportunity not to be missed. And to be able to carry flags for people to an amazing resting place to provide a small amount of comfort is something I am honored to do.
Around 8:00 a.m. we started on the initial decent down the mountain.
We were in the shade, my knees were aching and it was still pretty cold. The actual temperature unknown, which I’ve decided is better than knowing – a little ignorance can be blissful. I began talking with Meghan and she brought up her grandfather who is in his 90s, and again the waterworks started as I thought of my own grandfather who passed over 15 years ago. “Hello Beautiful” he would always say to me. We had a special bond. Just thinking of that had me going again and so we had to change the topic to get my head back into the game. The trekking is challenging enough that having a clear mind is a good thing as you really don’t want to trip over a rock, or step in a giant pile of yak shit.
On the docket was a stop at the Tengboche Monastery. This stop wasn’t just a random sight-seeing excursion, but a very special one for the Llama (head monk) of the monastery was to bless the prayer flags we are carrying to Base Camp. These flags, which hold the names of loved ones who have passed, those who are sick, or just those who we carry in our hearts and want extra prayers for.
The Monastery is located atop a small ridge with spectacular views of Mount Everest, Nupse, Lhotse, Ama Dablam peaks. It’s so beautiful that you almost can’t even fathom what you are viewing at the time. A beauty so great that you don’t even realize you are in awe until you look through the photos on your camera during afternoon tea.
Leading up to the understated monastery is an elaborate gateway of traditional Asian style – wider at the top and stair-stepping down with each layer holding a different pattern with every color imaginable. This gateway – flanked by two large guard dog statues at the bottom and four dragon heads at the top corners – is so ornate and colorful that it almost steals the attention from the natural beauty surrounding.
As we entered the area within the monastery where the Llama was sitting, we piled our prayer flags for the blessing. This moment was even more powerful for Lisa who had just the night before written her Aunt’s name on one of the two remaining flags I am carrying with me. After the group blessing, it was requested to bring these flags to the Llama and as we stood there together, he again blessed my set of 41 flags. It was a powerful, yet peaceful, moment.
So many names, so many stories. Each completely unique and wonderful, but very similar at the same time. As each of us hiking on the mountain, and to all those who we pass along the way, we all become one on the mountain. We are all here, trekking to a goal. We experience the same pains, joys and sights – yet our personal stories are as varied as the clouds above the peaks and they create a wonderful web of life and trials that makes this trek such an amazing experience.
Life is so fragile and fleeting – but not to be thought of in a sad way, but to be celebrated and enjoyed. Live it as if you are standing on the top of Everest and screaming out “I AM ALIVE!!”
Sarah Ewalt
December 1, 2012
Pangboche
12,713 feet
Quote of the day: “Is that Linkin Park?” ~Monk from the Tengboche Monastery as the guys began to play.
Fear is just a thought. Worry accomplishes nothing.
So here I am. The Eve of the big Everest trek. For a month I've traveled through India and Nepal. Alone -- but not completely as I met many wonderful people along the way who were a conversation partner in a hostel, on a train, in the Ashram - wherever. But for the majority of this, I rode of the wave of culture shock and entering a new country alone.
December of last year I decided to join the Love Hope Strength Foundation on their next charity fund-raising expedition. For 19 days a group of 26 have signed up to take a 100-mile journey up to the First Base Camp of Mount Everest. Enduring a true mountain experience. We'll be staying at huts and lodges along the way. Sometimes a shower, or not. While I have ideas of what may come, I've tried not to think too much about it. For as La Lita Ji said "Thinking about tomorrow is losing today."
And I just want to experience it all as it comes.
For months I trained for this trip - to prepare myself physically and mentally. With the help of friends and family (and their friends and family) we raised over $10,500 for Love Hope Strength -- and am forever grateful to all those who helped support me & foundation, and your strength will help me as I journey up the mountain. I've been carrying the set of Prayer Flags with all your family names in my day pack every day as well and It's been quite incredible journey up until this point. I feel like I've truly opened my heart for the and am so content. I really am "in the now" and it's a most fantastic feeling.
And now, the evening before we head out on this journey, I'm biggest fear of all. -The small plane to Lukla. I won't go any details as I've decided that I'm not going to think about it anymore. And came up with my own personal little mantra:
Fear is just a thought. Worry accomplished nothing.
I've gone on insane bus rides throughout India and night where the buses and truck drivers play chicken with one another. I've gone for a soul-cleansing dip in the Gange River. I went paragliding in Pokhara. Also rented a scooter in Pokhara and ended up in the middle of a random festival on the street (near the gorge entrance) and before I knew it was dancing with a crowd of 100 watching. I've traveled in many different rickshaws and taxis, and gotten into random vehicles with men that are supposed to be taxi drivers, but all the vehicles really look the same and sometimes I've wondered. But hey - I've made it safe all those times and when riding in a bicycle rickshaw down the wrong one on a busy street as well.
But most of all I've been worried about this flight. Worried and fearful. But no more. I'm just letting it go for worry doesn't accomplish anything. I'm going to take a few deep breaths and then will finish packing and go on the most amazing trek - perhaps of my lifetime. And I'm going to love every minute of it too.
Namaste
:)
Follow the expedition here:
http://lovehopestrength.org/everest12/everest-2012-trek/
Wonderfully content
I'm wonderfully content.
Forever I wished for 'happiness', and the American Dream. But I have realized that desiring that dream only left me feeling empty inside. That I never was fulfilled or had what I 'wanted', often feeling alone in a room with others and never satisfied with my life.
So I redirected my energies toward being content.
Content.
Not happy, but content. Good with what I have, and good with what I don't have. And honestly, for the first time ever, I feel truly content. There is nothing I need that I don't already have, and no sad empty spaces inside of my heart. I hope this feeling lasts, and I feel it will - as I've worked a long time for this moment. Here, in Nepal, alone on Thanksgiving I am content. And happy. And full :) (steak, not turkey)
I wish you all contentness this and every day.
Namaste
Thinking about tomorrow is losing today
We will probably be competing!
"We will probably be competing!"
– My friend Sabine in Delhi when I told her to wake me she can hear me snoring from the other room.
And then there was that day you got food poisoning, and didn't do much for a while...like three days
When traveling, I have this constant urge (as I think many of us do) to see as much as possible - not to waste a minute of time doing nothing. Well, unless perhaps you're on the beach where doing 'nothing' is considering part of the vacation, like sunbathing - a favorite past-time of mine.
So when I reached Agra on the evening of the 6th, I was tired from the train ride, but fine overall. The next morning I woke to body aches and bad stomach, which then expanded into chills, headache and fatigue, followed by burning hot fever and questioning if I had gotten enough vaccines or not before leaving the US. (A few days later. I'm now fine and can say yes I'd received enough shots).
Worse than being sick alone, in a foriegn country, was the fact that I wasn't doing or seeing anything! I had to lie there in a bed, pondering whether I would die in my sleep, and calculate what I wasn't going to be seeing now that I wasn't well enough to do as much as turn a page in my ebook.
Which reminded me that I have a hard time sitting still and relaxing.
Santi, Sarah. Santi. (slow down...).
The next afternoon (around 30 hours into my bout of sicknes) I made my way to the Taj -- unshowered as there was no hot water due to a water main project (or something, you never really know what is going on). I snapped away in a weakened state at one of the world's most amazing buildings. It was beautiful. And pretty much all I'd wanted to see in Agra, when I originally wanted to be there for around 24 hours and then move on to Varanasi (to the east) and the Rishikesh (to the north)
This plan was no longer an option. Prior to booking my tickets (and remember this for when you travel to another country) I didn't know that Dewali - India's BIGGEST holiday - was going on during half of my time here. My Indian friends told me "Sarah, it's like your Thanksgiving and Christmas tied into one".. Tiik..Tiik (pronounced teeka - means OK).
But you really don't have any concept of what this means until you can't actually book a train ticket or even A/C bus ticket for that day or the next or the next. And then have to hire a car for 5000 Rupees to get back to Delhi the next day because you're done with Agra and can't imagine spending a FOURTH night in a city where ONE was previously enough. BTW a bus ticket would've been 500 rupees or so and same for train.
Well, made it back to Delhi I did. Sat in the biggest traffic jam of my life (but hey, I was moving forward! no problem!) and happy to see my friends again, and enjoy wonderful conversation of an Indian friend Sabine. Followed by a little American TV (score!)
All during this time, it kept bothering me that I wasn't out seeing something, that I was wasting time doing NOTHING but sitting around, trying to book tickets (fruitlessly) and not on the go, seeing forts and palaces and camels and stuff. But why? Why must we fill our days with so much stuff while traveling that we eventually get sick?
I feel like this is just a metaphor for so much in my life. Hurry up. Go go go go go go! Don't just sit and relax. No shanti. Must be productive.
Doesn't really work the same here in India. I call it "India time". It's just as it comes. Sometimes things are late. Sometimes trains, or people. Want a ticket? Plan ahead! Want a ticket for two weeks from now? Maybe you can get it quickly, or maybe it takes two days to arrange. Can't do anything about it, and no need to stress about it either. What does stressing do? Nothing - besides taking years off your life and adding wrinkles to your face.
Compared to my stress levels in the US I'm dealing with it all differently (tho I still want to be seeing more camels and stuff). But now that I've taken Shanti as my new unofficial middle name, maybe it's just part of me, I'm feeling much more relaxed, having now done very little as far as touring in the past few days, but will start up again tomorrow, and have many things ahead still to see. It will be worth it too, when I feel well and am no longer afraid to eat.
Now, instead of trying to fit two towns in Nepal before meeting the LHS crew in Kathmandu for the trek, I've decided to visit only one. Which one i'm still not sure of, but I'll spend 3-4 nights in one place, and be happy for it. As I won't be rushing, and worrying about how much I'll see (or not see), and slow down enough to really take in some sights and my surrounds.
Shanti, people.. Shanti
On the train..we're all the same
Sitting on the train after a long quick day of heat and a very bumpy rickshaw ride in Jaipur, and the amazing Amber Palace I was ready to be transported to another world.
Not that I wanted to leave India but rather needed to check out for a few... Your brain gets into overload after a while and with a four-hour train ride ahead, some personal quiet time was much desired.
On with the headphones and a scarf on my head and I attempted to have this moment of peace.. For around 30 minutes I did this, then found myself better -- and then chatting with a lovely German couple across the aisle from me, Eve and Toby. Quite the lovely pair. He is a PhD and she a social worker. Three weeks holiday and we all agreed its never enough time when traveling.
On board is also a group of around 8-10 Korean men. Up and down they don't sit still for a minute! At first a little annoyance as I'm next to the door and our cross aisle conversation continually interrupted by the men's pacing from the car to the back area...but then as a little time passes, they start to interact with three young Indian children sitting in the row in front of me. The three share two seats, probably around 9, 6 and 2 years in age. Back and forth they smile, make faces and wave. Much to the kids delight who burst out in giggles at the men's silly faces.
To see these Korean men and Indian children interact is a nice change of pace from non-stop honking vehicles, spitting and, well, men peeing all over the place (best day I counted around 8 men peeing. In the city). Next the Asian men are asking the parents if it's OK to take photos of the kids and them with the kids - you can see they genuinely are enjoying this playful interaction that's crossing generations and races, religions and beliefs.
It just makes me wish that everyone could be like these random train travelers. To not care where someone else is from, what color their skin is, or where they sleep at night. Why can't it be that way? How often do generations ignore one another? And even more so, different races?
For me this was a great reminder in the equality of all. We are all the same. Woman man or child. And even more so, such a nice sight to witness when just wanting to check out for a bit, but discovering the world in front of me was more kind than I had imagined.
Namaste
Namaste! Welcome to India...are you ready?
I imagine the average person doesn't wake up one day and say "I'd love to travel to India!" It's chaotic, dirty, and if you are used to many Western comforts, they won't quite be the same as you are accustomed to. Or if you pay the fee for them, you are missing out on what is infront and all around you.
When I was in Asia a couple years ago, I decided that I wanted to travel to India as well - and was even told by an Indian family in Kuala Lumpur that I should wait around 10 years until the transportation system was improved.. but why wait? The transportation is part of the country - good or bad, I'll take that with the rest of what is to come.
So in tandem with the Everest Base Camp trek I'm participating in on Nov 25, I decided this was the time to come to India. To have my own journey and truthfully, spiritual awakening.
Amazingly enough, this all happened within the first few days.
Through a family friend, I was introduced to a healer and spiritual guide - Patrick (who also is the founder of Samarpan Foundation that I did some work with while in Delhi. A wonderful volunteer-driven organization that helps people, animals and the environment. I''ll write another blog on that next)
Not even two hours off the plane and I receive a healing for my back (and other things which are for me to know) and honestly, I haven't had the back pain that I've been riddled with for years since then. Granted I'm a bit stiff some mornings thanks to the uber hard mattresses, but that's to be expected.)
After the healing there was a talk to which Patrick brought up some interesting pieces about how we humans so often feel we need to have a larger 'purpose' in life. That we have some grand plan here to leave a life that is like no other. And this desire to have meaning to our existences is what actually throws us off from what is simple and natural in our lives.
It's like we throw a giant boulder in our streams of life and expect the current to continue to run smoothly.
All the personal work I'd been doing over the past years to improve myself and "be happy" all the time finally clicked into place. This was the one last piece that I was missing in my own puzzle. It brought up how I have this struggle of outside and inside voices that dictate what I should be doing, where I shoudl be going, and who I am "supposed" to be in life.
Wonderfully, now, I realize that that's all ridiculous and the only way to true happiness is to let go of all that and JUST BE.
For a former control freak, this hasn't been the easiest up until now, but after that talk, and a moonlight meditation the night after, I actually feel more calm and grounded than I ever have in life.
I've let go of expectations and over-planning. "Be happy anyway" said Patrick after the meditation. Be happy anyway. Things don't always go as you want, but it's OK. You don't have to let that get you down or anger you, just accept it and move on. If someone lets you down or hurts you, it's not on them - it's on you. As you had expectations of how they should be acting and when they didn't do as you wanted, you became hurt. Let go of these expectations, and don't be hurt.
Embarking on this journey though incredibly impoverished and chaotic lands suddenly became so much easier when I let go of so much and decided to just go with it all. That it will all work out, one way or another. That if I miss a train or bus I can catch the next one. If I eat a meal that's blah, it doesn't matter because it's just food, it's just money. More of each will come.
I thought I was going to make this post about the hustle and bustle of this city of incredible opposites, but this is what came out :) apparently it was more pressing to share. More to come... namaste
Two quick hops and onto India
Heading out for my adventures in India, I made the best of a long layover, and scheduled a second long layover to spend an afternoon in NYC with my sister-in-law, Kim, and then had a whirlwind tour of London with a fellow Pennsylvanian who I'd met in Thailand, Raph.
Two days of hopping trains and metros when not really knowing where I was going was a great way to get myself ready for the future mass-transit that awaited me in India and Nepal. Except all these signs would be in English ;)
Traveling to a couple giant cities as well helped me prepare for the massive crowds of people that awaited me in Delhi (population 12.2M.. smaller than Shanghai, but perhaps a bit more chaotic, I would soon discover).
NYC brought mani/pedis sushi and cocktails. A 40-minute ride in took me around 1.5 hours (note: pay attention to where you are going) but some citrus tea and long-overdue girl time helped me begin to relax. It was great seeing Kim with the absence of a major holiday involved - the only time we really ever get together. A quick bite of sushi and a couple strong cocktails and this 3-hour visit ended much quicker than I would have liked. Much more efficient route back to the airport, however....while I can make mistakes, I like to think I'm a quick learner.
Londontown brought all four seasons in a day, and a massive fast walking tour from Buckingham Palace to Big Ben & Parliament, over to the London Eye (captured a wonderful sunset and clearing) , and then finally to the famous Swan Pub for some bangers and mash. Though it had a much fancier name there, for as my friend Raph put it "these well very well-bred pigs I was eating" -- or something to that extent. Add on a three-hour sleep on the plane and some jet lag and I was a bit loopy by the end of the day.
With a quick walk in the rain past the St. Paul's Cathedral where I snapped off two remaining shots (seriously raining now) my friend and I made it into a crowded and steamy metro to begin my route back to the airport on this 11.5 layover, of which I think I spent around 6 hours in London. I made it back to the airport just as they opened the gates for my next flight, and thankfully got a good 6 hours of sleep on the plane...don't forget your neck pillow.
Hectic and wonderful all in one, I think this was a great blip of what was yet to come.
Be happy anyway
When it's not what you thought it would be
Perhaps for some, their life is exactly what they imagined it would be — married/2 kids/picket fence, or perhaps independent/entrepreneur/nomad. I figured by this time in my life that I would've fallen in love, married, and popped out a couple of kids.. Had a family, been successful, and all that good sh*t.
But it's not. My life is a far cry from what I had hoped it would be.
I've never been one to be in long-term relationships. I probably have commitment issues — once being told "Sarah, you run from the good toward the bad." Seldom to exact lines stick in my head, but this one did. That's probably part of my 'single' problem. Well, that and Disney. (Really, a prince is going to come along and whisk me off my feet? More like the fantasy in my head about random dude that I'm crushing on will whisk the rug from under my feet than carry me off into the sunset.) But I digress. The fact that nothing has worked out is at least 50% my fault.
Back in 2007 I was tired of my self-employed life of a graphic designer, and decided to pursue a second degree. I wanted to DO SOMETHING with my life, my career, my forty-plus hours a week that made the world a better place for people. I had some ridiculous altruistic fantasy that my life has some sort of purpose and meaning. That with my days, I could make the world a better place. When really, I need to just make my world better for me, because so many days I'm such a miserable fuck, that my time spent fantasizing about eco-friendly design and clean air were pretty much a waste.
So I went back to school. For three years, I busted my ass to earn a second bachelor's degree, while still running my business full-time, keeping a house, a dog, a on- and off-again social life, and breaking up with the one guy that was probably the closest chance I had to fulfill my white picket fence dream.
But it was OK. It was all going to be great! I was going to get THE JOB. I was going to be a design researcher and strategist. Soemthing I would have guffawed previously, but during school realized that I enjoyed and was GOOD at doing this.
Hurrah! I can (help) save the world.
Or not.
Two years later, and what I thought was a respectable number of rejected job applications later (thanks to the 'friend' that told me I didn't try hard enough enough. Which kind of like having someone spit on you after you'd already been kicked when you were down) I decided to stop trying to find a job. Apparently, I'm not qualified.
Or am I?
I started writing this post on Oct 2, 2012. I was feeling pretty shitty about myself that night, and have a part of this that I've deleted as it was just rambling of nothingness. But going back through all my posts and rereading this previously unfinished one, I decided that I needed to post it. Especially because in such a short period of time arriving to India and thoroughly changing my feelings and perspective in life, it was good to re-read this, to be reminded of how I've felt over the past couple of years about my "American Dream"
Negative? Yes. I was in a hole of negativity and sadness. For a while I was. Difficult when I first got back from China, and even more difficult as the months passed and no job offers came in. What the hell was I doing wrong? I felt as though I didn't fit into my previous life in Denver, and was never as happy as I'd been before. But where was I supposed to go? What was I supposed to be doing?
When I finally decided to put my house on the market, everything seemed to go much faster and easier. I would say "I can't find a job or a man, so I'm going to sell my house." An act of desperation it seemed at times, but when I couldn't do anything about the other two big deals in life, I went for another one.
My house sold in 12 hours. For the full amount. Cash deal. No appraisal, no inspection.
Uh, maybe I found my new path?
I'd decided that I was going to hold off on the job search for a while - until I returned from Everest - as I was sure this would be one of those 'life changing, spiritual journeys' that we'd all read about. (Did Julia Robert's character get food poisoning in Eat Pray Love? They should've put that in there, then it would be more realistic).
Extending my 19-day Everest trip into a 51-day personal journey was perhaps the best decision I'd made in 18 months. Tho it wasn't without stress (like am I really going to generate enough income in a very short amount of time to cover all my expenses for 7+ weeks of travel?!) Yes. I was. And I did. Almost to the dollar (when I added up the final invoices) the money was there and off I went.
So maybe this isn't white picket dream. Perhaps it's better.
My new Serbian friend whom I met in Jaipur sent me this in an email yesterday (being Nov 6) And I think it wraps this up quite nicely.
With my better mindset and happier soul, I bid you goodnight.
================================
My day made me think of a poem, that might as well ring a certain bell in your head:
The road not taken, by R. Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
One year and two weeks later
So you'd think around the anniversary of my Coming Back to America (which thus resulted into my "massive reverse-culture-shock-omg-i-can't-get-over-how-clean-the-air-is-and-how-ignorant-and-self-rightous-my-people-are-i'm-gonna-hide-for-a-couple-weeks-drink-bourbon-and-watch-DVDs-because-I-don't-know-how-to-jive-with-this" period of life) that I'd realize that WOW it's been a year that I'm back. This time, last year I was ending one segment of life and going through a change that was more difficult than I'd been through before. It was tough. It really was. So many people, seeing my adventures via Facebook expected me to come back with Tales of the Orient.. and how amazing and magical it was.. Friend: 'OMG was it awesome?!?!?' Me: 'Uhhh, actually it was pretty intense and difficult. China is a tough place.' Friend: ' o.O ???'
I felt when I got back that no one understood what I had been through. Granted, I wasn't imprisoned in a jungle fortress by headhunters, but I wasn't chilling in the Maldives, either.
A year and two weeks ago I came back from my short five-month trip to Asia, excited for American life, and forever changed from the experiences that I had while I was away. Good and bad, they existed and I have to be a better person for it, for what else are experiences for but to allow us the opportunity to see things in a new light and (eek!) change ourselves.
I read an article in a local ex-pat magazine this week, written by a Chinese woman, about the benefits of living in Shanghai, and not knowing how to speak Mandarin fluently. How as an American (or any ex-pat) you can sail through life, oblivious to the conversations going on around you – the arguments, the negotiations, the small talk – and pretty much live in a dream world.
She's right.
When I first arrived in Shanghai, I was frustrated by not understanding what was going on around me, not knowing what people are saying, and by the difficulty of bartering a price in the market. When people would talk to me, I could say nothing in return but 'thanks' or 'no'. And even now, that I've picked up some Mandarin to where I can put together tiny sentences, I still have no idea what is going on around me.
It's actually, pretty nice.
For a person who always likes to know what is going on around her (and likes to have a handle on it all too) it took a while for me to let it all go, and just jump in the back of that cab and go for an insane, horn-filled, jerky car-sick inducing ride. I now love sitting at a table with my wonderful coworkers, and just stare off into lala land while they talk about life in Mandarin. (Though there are many lunches in English too, don't get me wrong, it's not ALL Mandarin.). And while I am still distracted by the random old women speaking very LOUDLY in the grocery store, I have no idea why they are talking about noodles so loud, and really — does it even matter?
I think it's easy to become so caught up with everything else going on around us in life — the hustle of a large city, social networking, 24/7/365 lifestyles, smart phones, media coverage of everything — that we forget to forget about it all and just remember what is important. Or even more so, we stop paying attention to ourselves, and just focus on everybody else. At least I know that I do.
Now that I've realized how blissful ignorance really can be, I'm going to start practicing it. Not in an ignorant way of "Oh, nothing around me matters, I am all there is." but "Everything around me will do it's own thing, regardless of what I am doing..so I am going to focus on me, and not them."
I'm calling this blissful simplicity. It's my new religion, and you can join too.
